While introverts appreciate solitude, and are resistant to loneliness so to speak, the company of a fine lady is rewarding and enriching in so many ways. If you are an introvert, it can be difficult to meet new people, especially if you are new in town. The bar or club scene is probably not going to be the place for you. If you are a man looking for the company of a lady, you have to find the right places for your personality. Here are places where you are more likely to meet someone introverted.

Farmers Markets

In my town, there are three farmers markets a week. In addition to local produce, they offer a variety of specialty breads, and jam. Sausages, cheese, spirits, pottery, soaps. While couples and families attend, so do single people. If you go to the same ones every week, you will start to see the regulars there. People tend to be relaxed and friendly, and you may find an opportunity to start a conversation. Try a direct, open ended question: What’s the difference between fennel and anise? You may be able to bypass the dreaded small talk and go into something with more depth, such as recipes, if the lady you are speaking with is also a foodie (common at Farmer’s markets) as well as a fellow introvert.

Café’s

Prior to 1990, if you wanted coffee, your options were limited. You got a cup of insipid, hot brown liquid, which was so sour/bitter that you had to load it with milk and sugar just to get it down and keep it in place. You drank it more for the stimulant effect of the caffeine, rather than as a taste experience. Fortunately, that has changed, and Americans have come to appreciate high quality coffee. The market has responded with an abundance of coffee shops to be found. When you frequent café’s, you see the same people there repeatedly, and when you see a woman sitting alone reading for hours, chances are, she is an introvert. Introduce yourself, Ask her what she is reading, or be more direct and ask if she is one too (an introvert).

On-line

On- line dating has become a norm. Sign up with a service, post a profile, and see what responses you get. On-line dating can be very hit or miss/trial- and- error. What you see is not always what you get.

Some tips:

  • Be honest about who you are. If you are not an Ex-Navy SEAL who embarked on a second career as a model during your neuro-surgery residency while flying to Paris every weekend on your multimillion dollar trust fund- don’t say so. Don’t even imply you are someone you are not, as it will catch up with you later when she gets to know you.
  • Put up a good photo of yourself, but not your very best photo. Look better in person than in your photo, not the other way around.
  • Be prepared to make a quit exit in case things don’t go well. Lunch or coffee is preferable to dinner.
  • Meet in a public place, letting at least three people know your itinerary. Sound paranoid? Stranger things have happened. My many years of clinical work with criminal offenders and teaching criminology and victimology have given me a unique perspective on human behavior and personal safety.

Bookstores are an option.

Referring to Number two- some will have cafes integrated into them, such as Barnes and Noble. Browsing in the aisles or periodical section, you may find a woman with common interests.

Fitness Centers

Fitness centers are typically full of very fit women, or women who are a work in progress, developing their fitness level. Fitness centers used to be my favorite places to socialize (yes, introverts do socialize) as well as work out. Though I always was, and still am, serious and focused about fitness, there was time between sets, or on the way in or out to chat with beautiful and fit ladies. Making conversation was easy when you were sweating next to someone on cardio machine, or letting someone work in on sets. New to fitness? Don’t let that stop you. It could be a great conversation opener. I have found the dynamics in a fitness center have changed substantially over the years, due to so many people being plugged into devices. It can be a barrier to communication. It is also a form of non-verbal communication: If she takes her ear buds out when she gets on the treadmill or bike next to you that is practically an invitation to talk to her.

Bike paths

Take your workout outdoors. Walk, run, or bike on a bike path. Pick a path and a time that is heavily used, as a man approaching a woman in a remote or isolated area can be threatening.

Laundromats

Even if you have a washer and dryer at home, try doing a few loads in a laundromat now and again. Again, people are creatures of habit. People tend to use the same laundromats over and over. You will see the regulars, and you can meet someone this way. Ask to borrow some detergent, or what setting to use on the washer as a conversation opener. Seating at laundromats if often limited- ask if you can share a table.

There are places for introverted men to meet women. Introverts appreciate solitude, but this is not the same as self- isolation, or being asocial. Finding a companion who gives you space and understands you is the best.

 

Written by David A. Porter, MA, LADC
Private Practice clinician
Adjunct Faculty in Psychology and Criminology
Freelance Behavioral Science writer